The Inner Life of Melissa

Well, after a three-year blogging hiatus, I have once again become inspired to share my story with the world.

I wish I could tell you all that I’m living happily as a beautiful woman, but unfortunately, that is not the case. Instead, the world still sees me as just a gentle, slightly feminine male. Even so, some things have changed over the past three years. Several months ago, I decided to start letting my hair grow long, giving in to peer pressure from my friends and at least one family member. The funny thing is that none of them know about my gender identity issues, or at least I don’t think that they do. Anyway, my hair is now shoulder length, and at least three people have addressed me as ma’am. Let me tell you, being mistaken for a cisgender girl is the absolute best compliment a transgirl could ever hope for. I just wish they wouldn’t feel the need to correct themselves every time I’d turn around and respond in my soft, yet depressingly masculine voice.

Over the past few years, I have come to realize that I probably won’t end up living as a female full-time. However, I still feel the need to alter my hormone levels to match more closely with my gender identity, and to hopefully bring about more physical changes. Since I last wrote, I have tried several feminization regimens, which I hope to talk about in detail in a future post. Right now though, I am taking Pueraria mirifica, along with white peony tincture and spearmint tea. I have been on this regimen for a month now, and I am pretty optimistic about the results. My breasts were quite sore and full for the first few weeks, and although they remain full, they don’t feel sore quite as often now. Even though I wish I could have B or C cup breasts, I suppose my full A cups are all right for now. Given the fact that I still present as male, and that I now have to choose my clothes carefully so that my breasts aren’t too conspicuous on my skinny frame, it’s probably for the best that my breasts aren’t too large.

Anyway, thanks for reading my long-winded blog post. Now that I have found new motivation to update my blog, there are so many things that I want to talk about. I guess I should save some stuff for later, though. I hope you’re all having a wonderful holiday season, and I’ll write again soon!

When I started taking TransFemme, I decided to take half the recommended dosage (four pills per day). I didn’t want to develop too fast, and by cutting down on the pills, I would only have to buy pills every eight months instead of four. A year later, I have most certainly saved a couple hundred bucks, and I’m developing small, beautiful breasts to boot. But my desires have also changed over time, and now I have a strong desire to feminize myself even further.

Don’t get me wrong, I love what the pills have done to my body so far, especially my breasts. My nipples give me the most amazing sensations whenever I play with them, and I was absolutely thrilled the whole time that my breasts were sore and had hard buds underneath (though the soreness has faded and the buds have become soft). I also love how my previously-flat chest now visibly pushes outward, no matter what I wear. It isn’t enough for people to suspect anything, as long as I wear loose t-shirts. I don’t dare wear my tight clothing anymore though, since they make my breasts look like those of a young teenage girl.

The slight feminization I’ve experienced has been an amazing experience, but it has left me craving more. Now that I have some extra money saved up, I have committed myself to take the full dosage of eight TransFemme pills per day until the end of the year, and perhaps longer. I am hoping that the increased estrogen will overpower my body, giving me more development than what I’ve had the past year.

Part of me hopes that I will be able to hide my future breast development, or pass it off as a typical case of gynecomastia. Those fears, however, are overpowered by a wish that my breasts will develop to the point where bras and women’s tops would actually look good on me. Man, if only I could have my cake and eat it too! Well, if not, at least I’ll be able to hide my breasts easily through the cold winter months, giving me time to decide how to deal with my feminization and my coming out of the closet.

So, as of now, my daily feminization regime will consist of four TransFemme pills in the morning and four at night. We’ll see how it goes.

I had the most wonderful dream a few nights ago.In my dream, I was having a sleepover at a cabin with a few friends, where we were all going to sleep on the living room floor. I fell asleep, but then woke up right away feeling all wet. At first I thought it was sweat, which didn’t make sense because I wasn’t hot. I then noticed that only my t-shirt was wet, and it had a baby-milk smell to it. I right away realized that I WAS LEAKING BREAST MILK! I was so excited, but embarrassed about my wet shirt at the same time. I went upstairs to the bathroom, trying to hide the huge wet spots on my shirt from the guys walking down the stairs.

Once I got to the bathroom, I squeezed my nipples to see if more milk would come out, and as I did so, the milk would run down my breast and onto my tummy. I thought to myself, “I am actually going to have to wear a bra to keep my shirts dry”! I put on a sports bra to absorb the leakage, and a dry white t-shirt over it. As I went back downstairs, I was excited to be wearing a bra that was most definitely noticeable through my thin shirt. Of course, being a dream, none of my friends asked about my bra, even though they all noticed it. I really wanted to share the exciting news about my lactation, but my dream ended before I could do so.

I woke up from the dream with the happiest feeling. Even though I have no idea what it feels like to leak breast milk in real life, it was an amazing feeling to experience it in a dream setting, along with having to wear a bra to hide the leakage.

I think my dream was influenced by my Internet research on induced lactation from the night before. My breasts had stopped leaking colostrum as of a few weeks ago, so I was looking to see if there were any supplements that would induce lactation in males. I found that some women and trans-women take a drug called Domperidone (Motilium), which increases prolactin levels, resulting in milk production. I don’t have any intention of trying it in the near future, but even so, it was interesting to read about the lives of men and t-girls who lactate (with or without the drug), and to imagine myself in their position.

I apologize for my blogging hiatus these past few months. My transition is coming along, slowly but surely. I am still taking only four TransFemme pills per day. Even though it is really tempting to take the full dosage and get quicker results, I’ve only taken half of the recommended pills because I can save money while still getting gradual results (I only use four bottles every eight months). Also, it gives me more time to get accustomed to my small-but-growing breasts.

Back in March, I also started using Natureday Breast Cream twice daily. I decided to try it because of all the positive reviews they have on their website, and because it is cheap (a $35 jar of cream can last me 1-2 months). I use the cream right after showering and right before bed, putting a bit of extra cream over each nipple. It’s hard to tell how much of my recent growth is from the TransFemme pills or the Natureday cream, but I’ve definitely noticed exciting changes these past few months. Though my breasts are not detectable through my everyday clothing yet, I can definitely notice the growth when my shirt is off, or when I wear tight shirts (which I never do in public).

My feminization journey hit several high points recently. In early April, I noticed that my nipples felt pretty sore. I was wishful that my breast development would take off, yet I was very doubtful. But only a few days later, a small nodule developed under each nipple. I can’t even describe the excitement I felt! The nodules continued to increase in size, and right now they are each about one inch in diameter. They don’t seem to be growing as much right now, but I still feel the soreness and tingling, so hopefully they’ll continue to enlarge!

Also, a few weeks ago, I noticed some weird sensations on my nipples during the day. It almost felt as if I was lactating, but when I would check my undershirt, it would be completely dry. It continued for a few days, and eventually I decided to squeeze my nipples to see if anything would come out. To my surprise, I was able to get a few drops of thick, clear fluid (colostrum) out of my nipples. I think it would be amazing to be able to produce actual breast milk, but I guess I’ll have to wait.

My permanent hair removal is going quite well. I think my legs and thighs are going to be completely hairless very soon. I probably would’ve finished several months ago, but I’ve found it hard to make time to shave my legs and use the Silk’n on them.

When I first used the Silk’n, it left a bunch of hairless square patches, but there were some spots where it didn’t work very well. I gradually increased the treatment intensity over time, with slightly better results after each treatment session. Right now, I treat each spot twice at the highest intensity (despite the warnings), and so far, it has done an excellent job of killing the hair follicles. I think the only reason I have a little bit of hair left on my legs and thighs is because it’s hard to keep track of where I’ve zapped.

Well, that’s how my feminization is going right now; slow and steady. Hopefully the next few weeks and months will bring even more exciting changes!

Exciting Milestones

Hey everyone,

Just as a thank-you to all of my blog readers, here is how you can get a 5% discount at the TransFemme or Bountiful Breast website.

1. Use this link to visit the TransFemme website and add items to your cart as usual.

2. Once you’re ready to check out, use the coupon code “THANKS1009” without the quotation marks.

That’s it! The coupon and discount should show up in the total, and you can continue the checkout as usual. Five percent might not seem like very much, but it could save you up to $40 (if you buy the 1080-pill supply). And if you’re like me, you could put the extra $40 to good use, like spending it towards a cute outfit, or maybe even using it to try out the new TransFemme breast cream.

For those of us who are trying to become more feminine, wearing a good fragrance is an easy way for us to feel more womanly. I’ve always loved wearing women’s perfumes and lotions, and I’ve always tried to come up with excuses to do so. When I was younger, I would purposely let down my guard when my sisters and I had “perfume fights” at the department stores. Or sometimes, I would forget to bring my unscented lotion, and I would purposely have to wear their flowery-scented lotion on my dry hands instead. Even though I love wearing these products, I have never gotten around to buying any for myself.

Yesterday night, I was browsing the Bath and Body Works website, and I noticed that the lotion and body spray with my favorite scent, Sweet Berry Bliss, were both 50% off. Since I also had a coupon for a free item with a $15 purchase (the coupon code is F114179 and is good ’til 11/13/11), the temptation to buy was too strong, and I ordered four lotions and four body sprays. Hopefully they will last me a while, since I think that the Sweet Berry Bliss is a limited edition fall fragrance. Anyway, I love this fragrance because it reminds me of a shampoo and conditioner that I used back when I was in high school. The funny thing is that I used to love the scent of my hair products so much that I would leave some conditioner in my hair after showering so that the scent would be strong throughout the day. I know, it’s a silly idea, and as I remember, the scent would fade after a few hours. Even so, I loved smelling flowery and fruity, and it never bothered me that I smelled like a girl. Later, they discontinued the hair products, and I have missed the wonderful scent ever since. That’s why I was so excited when Bath and Body works came out with a similar scent: Sweet Berry Bliss. Hopefully they don’t discontinue it, or if they do, hopefully they’ll bring it back next fall.

It’s going to be great wearing my new lotion and body spray, especially as I relax at home after a shower. Maybe if I gain some courage, I’ll even wear it while I’m around friends and family, but we’ll see. It’ll probably be pretty frightening to wear anything labeled “Bath and Body Works” around people I know, but once I try it, I bet it won’t be so bad.

Lately, I’ve been having so much fun getting rid of my body hair and growing small breasts. Okay, the shaving and IPL treatments are not very exciting, but the feelings that my smooth skin and the TransFemme pills are giving me can sometimes be erotic. Even though I still look like a man, it’s amazing how such quick and easy changes can make me feel so much more happy and feminine.

I’m sure if men knew just how much pleasure can be had from bloated nipples and small, budding breasts, many more of them would take small amounts of estrogen. Also, I don’t know how pleasurable it is to have bouncing breasts, but maybe they are worth the pain of hiding them and explaining them when people notice. Or how about the feeling of pantyhose on smooth, freshly-shaven legs, with a light flirty skirt gently brushing them?

Honestly, men miss out on a lot of fun things that come with womanhood. It makes me wonder sometimes if more people would be transvestites or transgendered if they knew how pleasurable it was. Or maybe they don’t even want these feelings; not because society says that they’re not supposed to experience them, but because they don’t find joy in them. As a transgendered person, I can’t understand how people could hate having feminine traits and sensations, but perhaps if I were ‘normal’, I would dread the things that I currently yearn for.

Anyway, what do you guys think is women’s best kept secret? Feel free to comment below.

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